This is just temporary, right???

Cold?
Or just happy to see me?
Actually, neither. These crazy nipples are the unfortunate side effect of breastfeeding. Luckily, it is the one and only thing I count as a drawback to nursing. Do you know that if a shift at work gets aggravating enough I can take a "pump" break? *wink wink* And nursing my child means not having to serve jury duty. Or clear the table at family gatherings. Or work out.

Nursing can NOT, however, make you feel overly self confident when you decide to go bra less in a sun dress. Or even glance down in the shower. My NatGeoNips- aka National Geographic Nipples, for those of you not in the know- are at times hilarious, often horrifying, and always humbling. Did you know that there is a direct relationship between the amount of time spent nursing a child and how good you look in a string bikini? For instance, if you breastfeed for two months, you are two times more likely to have to buy your next bathing suit with reinforced padding to hide your new pointy friends. If you breastfeed for two years, you are twenty-four times more likely to need a specially built wet suit with a Kevlar chest plate the next time you hit the beach. This scientific research is brought to you by my own observations of the ever changing nipples of yours truly. It literally seems like every additional day I nurse I add a millimeter to my nipple length. Now that Sweet P is more and more engaged with the world around her, she investigates every noise around her but turning her head at warp speed while nursing, thus adding to the demise of my once petite, flat nipples. Mark and I love to talk about the "mommy makeover" I will get when I have our final child: a tummy tuck, liposuction and breast lift. But now I am wondering if I ought to add on a nipple reduction as well?

During pregnancy a fair amount of time is spent researching breastfeeding, pumping, mastitis, engorgement, nipple confusion...the only thing I'm confused about it why nobody ever warned me about the terrible fate of my nipples! And one would think that given their recent "makeunder" I would do my best to hide them, but it is hard to hide something you don't even realize is there half the time. I am so accustomed to having my breasts exposed that during my early morning photo shoot on my wedding day I posed for several photos before my sweet photographer asked if I would kindly tuck my nipple back inside my white silk robe. Are the these bad boys so raw that I can't even feel cool, early morning ocean air on them? And if my newly desensitized nips weren't enough, there is one more thing that has recently become desensitized as well: ME. I just really can't be bothered by my unfortunate looking nipples or that others might be offended by catching a glimpse of them. Yes- my nipples are always erect. Yes- they often appear chapped and swollen. Yes- their new awkward appearance is just another proud badge of motherhood. No- they are not as unsightly as my perineal scars.